sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
