Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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