I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
