i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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