so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
