i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
