Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
