I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize