She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
