awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
