That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
