Only a mothe r could love this liver
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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