I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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