The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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