hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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