The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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