Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
