Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
