Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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