my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
