she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
