What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize