Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
