Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize