sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
