The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
