Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
