It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
