I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
