I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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