I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
