I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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