fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
