Your mouth is God's brothel.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize