I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
