he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
