That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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