We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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