i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
