I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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