Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
