Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
