If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
