k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think a kid would responsible me up
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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