I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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