How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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