my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
