Duck Duck Cougar?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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