I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
