when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
