her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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