You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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