I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
