In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
two words: eviction party
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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