I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
