I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
