I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
