she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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