I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
