I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
