Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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