I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize