I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
