His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
