whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
