So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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