Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
