I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
