Someone shit on the floor
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Are my feet made of real feet?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
