She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
