just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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