I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
