I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do vagina's smell?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i would one night stand the shit outta him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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