I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What changed your mind?
Being sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
