I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
