why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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