Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
