life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
